Handcuffed hand cop gate

Nowadays, it’s rare to hear an uplifting story involving a cop. This isn’t one either, so buckle up.

Three NYPD detectives — I mean, ex-detectives — face felony charges. They stole Jay-Z’s super expensive Ace of Spades champagne from the VIP patrons who ordered it at last year’s Electric Zoo festival.

Can you freaking believe it? Cops are meant to protect and serve, yet these guys seemed more intent on getting a five-finger discount on alcohol. And judging by how things went down, I doubt this was their first foray into thievery or something similar.

Let’s rewind to September 3rd, 2022. The former detectives were on Randall’s Island (where Electric Zoo takes place), “working” as part of the narcotics coverage team and all was fine. All of a sudden one of the cops slipped two unopened bottles of Armand de Brignac champagne into a backpack.

The bubbly, colloquially known as Ace of Spades, retails for about $1,500 per bottle. VIP attendees had ordered the high-end sparkling wine and stepped away from their table. Then that’s when the ex-cops made their move.

Consequently, two of the demoted detectives face felony charges of fourth-degree grand larceny and fourth-degree criminal possession of stolen property. The third faces a singular misdemeanor charge alleging his failure to stop the unlawful act. This is all according to Billboard and the Manhattan District Attorney himself.

As the patrons returned to their table, the trio attempted to escape through a “staff-only” section of the festival. The bouncers nevertheless thwarted their plan. The disgraced officers tried to argue their way through, even pulling the ‘bUt wE’rE cOpS” card. This ridiculous exchange gave the victims enough time to catch up and identify the “cOpS” as thieves. Security recovered the stolen champers and told their supervisors about the crime, which led us here.

They almost committed the perfect crime. And they would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling party-goers.

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